So this was it. The last day that I would have to go without wearing these incredibly uncomfortable headphones and earplugs.
Just like last week, I can’t tell if I’m ready to let this go. I can’t tell what its going to be like afterwards. I’ve learned so much this week and I’m sure that all of you can tell that I do not want to stop. It has become comforting to really play a larger part in my own thoughts. To really be able to look inside.
So why stop now? I think a lot of you would tell me the same. I said in my last blog that we can do anything that we put our mind to. Well, I believe that now more than ever. I know that even though I’ll be taking off these headphones that I am a better person because I’ve learned that lesson.
So no, I won’t stop looking into myself. I won’t stop figuring out me. I won’t stop loving the person who I am nor will I do anything that would stop me from doing that. I’ve gotten to know people around me so much better and I’ve gotten to know how interactions should really take place.
Who knows what difference this experiment will make in 15 years to me? No one really. But I can say that it really has had a profound impact on me here and now. This project has inspired me to continue my career in hopes that I can help children and people who are disabled by deafness.
I’m not really sure what to say. I don’t know what people want out of this. It starts to get to one of those things that no one can really explain. You just have to experience it for yourself. I know that it seems crazy to do this; but I’m just a little bit crazy.
No, I still honestly have not experienced what it is like to be completely deaf. Just how I haven’t truly experienced what its like to be completely blind. I had the comfort of knowing that at the end of the week that I was done.
I like that people have been reading this to try and get some insight as to what it is like to be blind or to be deaf. Don’t.
You don’t need me to get that experience. Every single one of you that are reading this are capable and intelligent and you do have the capacity to ask yourself honestly how your life would change.
“I couldn’t imagine not being able to see my daughter’s face… I don’t know what I would do without music… I don’t know what would happen if I couldn’t read my favorite books… I don’t know how I would survive not being able to talk… I don’t see how you did it… I don’t see how you could do it… I can’t imagine what possessed you to do this…”
Truthfully, I can’t either. I like to think it’s because I wanted to have some glimpse as to what it was like to be blind or deaf. I know that’s not the full story but again, it’s one of those things that you can’t really explain.
So, for science, for humanity, for sanity.
Who cares. I enjoyed it. I really did. I loved having put myself to this test. I love having gone through my life and knowing that I can survive with this. I love the fact that I faced pretty big odds against me. I love that people didn’t think that this could work. I loved laughing in the face of people who doubted.
Because honestly. I never did. I knew walking into this that thousands upon thousands of people go through what I have done each and every single day.
So I walk away knowing not to doubt myself. I walk away from these two weeks wanting to help the people with disabilities who do not feel comfortable enough with their disability. I want to be there for the people who have been given this disability because who knows if anyone else will be? I know there are wonderful people out there who would give up everything that they have to be able to give something to these people with disabilities.
The teachers at the School for the Deaf and Blind are some of those people.
Students who have made a point to learn sign language or proper practices around blind people are some of those people.
Disabled individuals who make an effort to teach those who honestly have no idea. I know that I didn’t have any idea what to do and I was given a ton of help.
It’s the teachers that would go out of their way to ensure that the child gets everything that they need to finish their schooling.
It’s the lunch people who can still make you laugh even though you can’t hear them.
It’s the people who are courteous enough to hold the door open.
It’s the people who say hi even though they don’t understand how to do it properly.
It’s the people who still extend their hand to give you a handshake rather than not go through that because they feel awkward.
It’s the people who care and learn to adapt when something like vision or hearing changes.
I just thank these people. Its because of these kinds of people, which would take even longer to accurately describe, that I feel comfortable being in our world.
It’s not done. I know its not. I still have two days of being both blind and deaf. And yes, I know it will be hell. I’m ready for it. I feel comfortable around my friends, my community, my loved ones, and even strangers to walk into this with a smile on my face.
This has been an exciting adventure so far. I’m glad that I have gotten to spend this time with Ben. I think that our friendship has really grown over this. You never know how much you can trust a friend till you put your life in their hands. He has been great, patient, and trustworthy and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.
I took the earmuffs off this afternoon to find that I had crisp hearing. I could even tell when there were walls in front of me. I could approximate how far away they were. I could really hear. I mean REALLY hear for the first time in a long time.
I heard the birds.
Bright as the morning sun they sang.
Their calls like notes being plucked at a mandolin.
I love our world. I love the people in it. I love the sight. I love the sound. I love that we are capable of appreciating its ups and downs.
I love that everything around us can have beauty.
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