Being a human in a vampire world is about as safe as barebacking a 5 dollar whore.

Tuesday, January 12th.
This was the first morning having to wake up blind. The scariest thing that I have had to experience is most definitely waking up in the morning. If I had not set my alarm myself I wouldn’t have had any idea what-so-ever as to what time it was. I woke in a jolt because of the alarm to find eyes staring back at me. Sometimes the hallucinations that I experience can be frightening. This one made my blood boil. I didn’t know what to think because I had just woken up from a very deep slumber and I have to wake to eyes staring back at me? It was very frightening. I left my room to find that Ben was already up and sitting on my couch. We turned off all of the lights in the main room and I ventured to our blacked-out bathroom where Iwas finally able to take the bandages off.

Somehow, I expected that I could see my bathroom. I’m not really sure why. I guess it was just this weird hope that I had sub-consciously thought of. Instead. My eyes conjured a very bleak image of what the room looked like.

Let me start by trying to explain how these hallucinations look to me. These may seem very vague but it is incredibly hard to explain such things as these. They appear at random times, both when my eyes are open under the bandages and when they are closed. They really don’t care which my eyes are at. These imagesusually start as strange shapes and blobs of a gray light. Kind of like when you press your fingers against your eyes in the morning and you see light; its like that, except I’m not having to press anything against y eyes. These shapes or blobs soon take shape as creatures, objects, or just seem to become more detailed in shape and move across my vision. Sounds around me accompany these visions like a strange and terrifying version of Fantasia, as if that movie wasn’t already scary enough. My favorite reoccurring one is this image of different trails of smoke or vapor (How I know that they are that I’m not sure) that dance from one side of my vision to another. They often move with purpose, of which I cannot tell, but do seem to play a waltz through my brain. I’ve seen things from family crests, Pomeranians with red eyes and devil’s teeth, a thunder storm, to simply triangles that would not leave my sight for several minutes. These items are really devoid of color. I place the color as I seem fit when I’m actively trying to assess what the image is.

Well anyways, back to the story of the day. I’m not quite sure where I left off since I had to dig deep to explain the hallucinations and I can’t exactly go back and read what I have written so far. But… I believe I left off in the blacked-out shower room. I was finally able to take off the bandages. It was… strange. I wanted to see but I couldn’t because of the lack of light. My brain conjured an image of what the bathroom looked like. Imagine daredevil. I felt really cool, until I ran into the sink and saw that my image was not at the right angle it should have been. Once I found a wall I was able to maneuver around the bath room. Showering was different because of the first time I really felt like I knew how clean my body was afterwards. I could feel the soap on my skin as I dried off. It was very relaxing. My hair was clean and my body was clean and I felt clean on the inside.
When you brush your teeth, do you ever really know if you have gotten a certain part of your mouth? Most people just keep brushing hoping that they got every part. I really felt like I could tell which parts of my mouth I had brushed and which parts I didn’t. It was the shortest time I have ever had while brushing my teeth.
Ben and I sat around in the room for a bit, doing this and that, trying to get our things together for the day. We left for lujnch at Zachs.
Zachs was difficult because it was so noisy. It was really difficult to try and navigate myself because I felt like the whole world was bearing down on top of me with noise. People talking about this person and that person and how they hate that they did that, talking about the upcoming year in football, talking about how they wish that they could find that watch they had lost last night while incredibly drunk, and no, I’m not making these up. There are more but I’m not sure how some of the viewers would appreciate the content. Lets just say that people can never really tell who is listening in on the conversation, willingly or not.
Ben and I hopped into the line for sandwichs. I felt very… very much like a newborn. I couldn’t tell when people had moved ahead or when it was my turn to speak. Instead, I had to have Ben help me move forward. I got to the front of the line and had given the first part of my order. After a few seconds of silence I hear Ben say “What else do you want on it?” I laughed a little and tried to go on with the order but the ladies were laughing because of my predicament. Ben jokingly exclaimed that I was holding up the line! I gave a huge grin and said that it was my first time going here blind and he had to give me a break. Suddenly. The line.
Went.
Silent.

It was strange. It felt like one of those situations where you see the guy in the movie open up his front door only to see a nwasteland where his neighborhood used to be. I didn’t know what to do. My heart started racing because I thought that I had maybe done something wrong. I turned to what I thought was Ben and asked what was going on and he said that people were now staring at me.

I think this is the first time that I have really understood why people would have stage fright. I’m not one for it but this made me really understand. People were staring wide eyed at me. I ccouldn’t really tell but I assumed that they were. It was the first time that I was the center of attention and I had no idea what to do. I turned back around, got my food, and was quickly led away by Ben to find a seat.

LBen and I enjoyed our lunch with friends that soon accompanied us and we left for Milliken to do our studies. The studies went fairly well. A lot quicker this time because we’re finally getting the hang of it all. Afterwards I walked around and talked to different professors that I found. We left there to just go hang out in my room. After a while of hanging out with Zach Kemper had called and asked if I wanted to et some dinner. I was hungry so I assumed that it was dinner time and said yes. Ben had decided to take a nap so Zach and David led me to Raines center. This was a fun trip. I think that they really understood that I could care for myself when I walked but that I asked for their help because it was more convenient. We had a fun dinner, talking and joking playfully. Different people came by to talk and all were fascinated with my experiment. Most were worried that something had happened to me and wanted to make sure that I was okay. After a while we headed back to the room.

We decided to go to a movie. Let me tell you, this. Was an experience. After paying for my ticket I FINALLY got some free popcorn tickets and was overjoyed. We went and sat in the movie theatre after getting popcorn and got ready for the movie. I have to say, at least in the case of Daybreakers, my imagination is far scarier than any movie I have ever seen. I have a whole new appreciation for the soundtracks and just minute sounds that you don’t really pay attention to usually. It was great to really experience surround sound and be able to tell where different things like footsteps and cars were coming from. The fight scenes were crazy and jumbled. I couldn’t really amass an image to my mind to give it the credit it was due. But it sounded like a really good fight scene.Blod and guts were everywhere, things were exploding, people were breathing hard, vampires were biting, windows breaking, people dying, cars were running from on the road to off the road. Just so much happening at one time it was hard to keep it all in one motion. At the end of each scene of carnage the closest thing that I could describe my imagination to was the monster having exploded at the end of the watchmen book all across New York. Just that strange coloration and grotesque nature of the monster. Eyes were everywhere, gross purple and blue masses strewn across what used to be normal landscape. I know, this is really grotesque but this is what the image was conjured to my mind.

While scary, the movie was a lot of fun. I’m very glad that I went, especially in hindsight.

One of the best experiences that I have had yet was getting into Zachs car to listen to Enter Shikari. This is one of my favorite bands and I’ve come to appreciate them more while blind, like almost every other band that I have listened to (Especially the Beatles_. It was great to hear every musical note though it is a heavier band than ost people listen to. To really feel the impact and emotion of the music I had to be blind. But now I think I will walk away from this experiment to really be able to feel the music being played around me.

We got back to the school only to have a few visitors vist me. Savannah brought me up to her room to show me a pet that was staying with her for a weekend. His name is buttons and he’s a hamster. He was very cute and playful but also seemed “Abnormally calm” in my hands. I think it was because I could tell better what movements were making him nervous because I was actually able to feel his heartbeat. I emean, a lot of people understand hearing a heartbeat. But have you ever really felt one? And in such a small animal. It was a beautiful thing. He played across my arms and hands, crawled up my jacket to sniff my face. I wish that every person who is blind could have a pet like buttons. Not only isit entertaining but it also makes me feel like they could connect on a deeper level than we would be able to.

Exhausted, I ventured back to my room to crawl into bed and sleep soundly. QAgain, the last voice I heard before I slept was the sound of my girlfriend’s voice. How I miss even looking at pictures of her. Fortunately I know that I will be able to see her soon and it hasn’t bothered as much as it would if I knew that I was going to beblind for the rest of my life. I miss her very much and I can’t wait to see her smiling face.

We are brought about by common dreads.
Linking us together like a lock of hair.
One voice pouring through us all.
A united front against the short-comings before us.
How I wish you could SEE
The beauty of all things around you,
And the link between people that is so deep,
That nothing could break these bonds.

Be it Joy or be it sorrow,
We are one people.
No matter how much it hurts.


We’ll see how tomorrow goes. Everyday is a new experience.